Moon,
IMHO,I really like everything done so far aside from the ending melody,as I think Kara is right on with his opinion.
The arpeggios and the drums have a great energy and they are a fantastic foundation,but I think you should not only lose the melody,but also begin a new melody earlier on in this piece.
I look forward to hearing further additions to this piece,if you decide to put more work into it.
Cheers,
Thom